A phobia of my own

Here's a little something about me:  I cannot stand the sight of my own blood.  I'm not sure when it all started; perhaps I had always been like this.  The very first time I knew that I was averse to seeing my own blood was when I was a freshman in college.  There was a blood drive on campus, and I thought I would help save lives and donate blood.  It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but I don't remember feeling nervous or stressed about it.  I filled out the form, and one of the blood drive staff members pricked my finger to get a drop.  It was fine until I was actually up on the gurney.  I watched, first with fascination, as the collection needle was inserted in my arm.  Then I watched all this dark blood collect in the bag.  It was the color of chili powder.  That's when I started feeling strange.  My breathing got shallow and rapid, and when the collection bag was full, the needle was removed, and I was told to sit up, but then I swooned, and the next thing I remember was the smell of ammonia and people standing over me with concern.  I was allowed to rest for 30 minutes, and afterwards, I had a doughnut and some Sprite.

About a decade later, during my stint as a Children's Librarian, I was at work prepping the storytime craft activity.  I was using the paper-cutter / guillotine and somehow nicked a bit off of skin off of my thumb.  Blood everywhere, and I did my best to cover it quick with a paper towel and hold my thumb above my head.  My thumb was throbbing and again, rapid and shallow breathing.  It felt like I couldn't get enough air.  It eventually stopped bleeding, but I was a wreck for most of the day.  I'm amazed I could even do storytime that day.

Fast forward to today.  Because of my thyroid issues, I periodically need to get my blood drawn and analysed.  This time, in addition to seeing if my medication was at the correct dosage, my doctor also wanted to check my cholesterol and blood sugar levels, so the lab would need a little more blood than usual.  I didn't think it'd be a problem--most of the time when I get my blood drawn at the lab, there is some minor discomfort, but I'd never done anything like pass out, like I did when I donated blood.  Today I went to the lab, and a phlebotomist whom I had never seen before serviced me.  I told her that I have tricky veins, so I asked if she could use the 'butterfly' needle.  She told me that it wasn't necessary.  She tied the elastic on my arm, and instructed me to make a fist.  I could tell that she couldn't see my vein.  But she pricked my arm anyway.  Nothing.  She told me to relax and then to make a fist again.  Once again, nothing.  And then one more time.  This time, the needle hit something, and it hurt like way more than usual.  I held my breath, which I know I wasn't supposed to do and I had to consciously tell myself to breathe.  The phlebotomist asked me if I was OK.  What I should have said was that "No, I'm pretty far from OK." but instead, I did the passive Asian thing I always do and said, "I'm OK, it just stings a little."  Her response was to shrug and say, "It's because the needle just hit the side of your vein.  I'll move it forward a little."  More pain.

It seemed to take forever, what should have been a routine collection of a few vials of blood.  And my poor arm...it is really bruised up, and it hurts.  If she had just used that flexible butterfly needle like I requested!  I'm dreading the next lab appointment and I will run for dear life before I let that particular phlebotomist work on me again.

I'm not afraid of needles.  I don't mind horror movies, and blood on other people.  It's just my own blood that I can't stomach.  I have one other phobia, but I'll write about that some other day.  Do you have any phobias or things that you are averse to?

My September update

I can't remember when I last posted to this blog! It's been far too long, and once again, it was probably illness that kept me from updating. So pardon me while I wipe away the layer of dust that has accumulated on my keyboard. There! Much better.

What have I been doing lately? Reading--I've just finished a couple of YA (Young Adult) titles. There's Noggin by John Corey Whaley, which was about a teen with a terminal illness who gets a second chance at life by having his head sawed off and transplanted onto a donor body. It sounds like an outrageous premise, but it was really enjoyable. I sympathised with the main character Travis because he wakes up healthy on his new body five years after he consented to this last-ditch path to survival and finds that everything is different and his friends are no longer 16-years old like he is. The other book I finished is Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige, in which your average teen outcast Amy Gumm is swept away in her mobile home during a tornado and wakes up in Oz, except that Dorothy has become corrupt with power and Oz is threatened. As a librarian, I find it helpful to read titles from a variety of different genres. No matter how many titles I cross off my list as I read them, it seems that I'm always adding more.

I've also been playing Animal Crossing New Leaf on my 3DS. This game is seriously addicting and it's been over a year since I've been playing it.  I've been working hard on making my town thrive. I've seen animal villagers come and go. I try to play at least a little every day since the few times I misplaced my game card, when I did eventually play again, I found that my favorite villagers had moved away. It might seem a bit strange that the loss of these fictional pixelated characters would affect me, but it did. In my town, I'm currently working on completing my bug and ocean life encyclopedia. I have only two more bugs to catch--a mole cricket and a dung beetle. I have about 6 more things to dive for and 6 fish to catch with my fishing rod. Eventually I want to get Katrina the fortune teller to open up shop on my town's Main Street. I've had the opportunity to play online with Vadafade whom I know from Dollchemy. She's visited my town and I traveled to hers...and one of her former town residents has relocated to my town.  I hope to play again with more dolly friends in the future.


I should add that I'm consciously going to try to improve my health and take better care of myself. I find exercise really boring, but I know it's a necessity because my job is more sedentary than active.  I take the stairs whenever possible and during my lunch break when I run errands, I walk more than take my car.  I have a couple of fitness DVDs that I will genuinely give a chance to. I use the treadmill but that is seriously torture to me. I've tried watching movies while I walk/jog on the treadmill, but I find myself wanting to just sit on the sofa and finish the movie without the pesky exercise getting in the way. I used to use the wii board with my Nintendo wii, but I think something is wrong with it. I know that weight loss is more dependent on diet than exercise, so I will try to be better about what I eat. Portion control, not eating as much processed foods, etc. I know what I have to do, the hard part is doing it! And not making excuses, but my underactive/non-existent thyroid is a huge factor in all this. Also contributing to my difficulty in weight loss, I believe is my IUD.

In my doll hobby, I always say I want to downsize or at least not get any more. I would like to free up unnecessary stuff, and for the most part, I have been slowly listing wigs and clothes up for sale. I need to do more of that...but it's just kind of hard to sell things these days. I've noticed things sit around for months with no bites from interested parties. And no matter how much I swear I won't get any more dolls, two dolls recently made their way here.   These are the two that have snuck their way in. On the left is Dice (Daisuke). He is the Taeyang Chosokabe Motochika who actually started off here in Hawaii with me when I pre-ordered him from PullipStyle in 2011. About a month after I got him, I needed some quick funds, so I let him go to a buyer in Chile. I always regretted having to sell him. But then in June 2014, I saw him up for sale from Chile--of course I had to get him back; I paid the same price I sold him for. I consider him a doll version of a homing pigeon. (He and Arashi--who I also sold and bought back). The pullip on the right is a custom Nahh-ato who first belonged to Miss Edith and then Vanie. I had always wanted a Nahh...but failed to get one when she was in stock, and then she was sold out everywhere or on sale for a price I was not willing to pay. I only really wanted a Nahh so I could have someone customize her, so when this pretty little thing with her Myufish face-up became available, I jumped on it. I'm glad I did, and I have no regrets.

The truth is it is unrealistic to go "cold turkey", but I just have no words. I made a list of things I would allow myself to buy earlier this year, and it seems I forgot about that. I guess I fell off the wagon a bit there; and I'm only human.  *grins sheepishly*

Here is my revised list of purchases for 2014:

• Mister Super Clear or Volks ZM spray (to finish off my Blythe & Yeolume customs)
• Tiny brushes (to finish off my custom dollies)
• Volks shine pearl (more customizing supplies)
• A secondhand Blythe to send away for custom face-up (I would like a pretty custom doll from Bee's Dreamland)
• A Makie doll

Let's hope I have the will power to stick to my newly revised list as we close out the rest of the year.